through the eyes of a sojourner

insecurity

2012-02-13T07:33:00.000-08:00

the worship arts department at my church (where I work) is forming an Easter choir and i will be directing it. we are pulling out all the stops (a musical term in case you didn't know...) in hopes to get a good size group together and do something decent. yesterday we had 28 people sign up! this is a huge number for my church - to show that much interest on the first day. initially i was ecstatic! i was so excited that God was almost giving us a little preview of what he was going to do!

and then i started thinking...planning in my head all the things i would need to do to effectively lead these people and i started feeling very overwhelmed!

many of these people are individuals or married couples who were a part of the church choir many years ago. it was a different time when worship music was very choir/orchestra driven and the music leadership of that time was very strong and well loved among the choir and the congregation. these people stopped doing choir after this leadership left and have not been involved since.

many of the other people have never been a part of a choir before. they don't have any musical background and are very nervous to be a part of something like this.

the more i thought about these two groups of people, the more insecure i began to feel. i am not qualified to lead like that previous choir director led. i won't know how to lead those people in a way that they are expecting. and on the other hand, i'm not sure i'll have enough patience to lovingly lead the people who may not "meet" the musical "expectation" i have set in my head.

and then, as always, God stepped in.

he reminded me of two people in scripture who were called to lead and doubted their abilities: Moses and Gideon. as i read back over their stories a few things stood out to me. not only did both these guys doubt their abilities to lead, but they actually argued with God! they debated back and forth with God and insisted that God should choose someone else. not only that, but when God PROMISED to be with them and to lead them, they asked for signs so they would know that he was telling the truth!!! they didn't even believe that he would keep his promise!!! it's a miracle God used them at all with the little faith they had!

i was also reminded that these feelings of insecurity can also be a good thing. they keep my pride in check and prevent me from becoming too confident - otherwise i wouldn't need to lean hard on the Lord to lead and direct me as i lead and direct this choir.

"For the king [leader] trusts in the LORD; through the unfailing love of the Most High he will not be shaken."
psalm 21:7

whatever is TRUE.

think on these things.

2012-02-03T05:39:00.001-08:00

http://obitsforlife.com/obituary/468589/Chaney--Rev-Phil.php

friday night

2012-01-27T19:48:00.000-08:00

loving the new kari jobe album. it's just good. good writing, good instrumentation, good variety, just good.

my friend kirstyn's dad (phil) has less than 48 hours to live. soon she and her mom (koral) and her siblings will enter into a new chapter in life. they will say goodbye to someone who is a part of them and begin a journey of discovering a new "normal". they will have lots of support from their church family and they will hold on to their Father's hand, but they will still feel empty and lost and confused. they will still hurt more than they ever imagined possible.

thinking about them and praying for them takes me back...

and my heart is heavy.

randoms

2012-01-23T07:08:00.000-08:00

my tan is fading.

some friends and i are throwing my mom a 50th birthday party. it's coming up a lot quicker than i had anticipated...

i'm reading the book "eat pray love" - the author spends time in italy searching for pleasure (food), india searching for inner peace (meditation), and bali searching for wisdom. the italy section was great. the india section, very very weird. have not yet read the bali section.

i am also reading the book of Acts. just cause it's great.

one of my new piano students is my neighbor's niece. my neighbor brought her niece to church yesterday to "see me perform". i'm just gonna be glad they came to church.

there are several recently acquired gift cards in my wallet that are making it thick and hard to close. i guess i need to go out to eat.

watched DirtyDancing with TravelBuddy last night. we ate chinese food and made brownie sundaes. almost like we were making up for new years eve (we always get chinese food on new years eve, but this year i was in puerto rico and she was working). i thought the movie was pretty good - and pretty racy for it's time! i can see why it's so popular.

pray

2012-01-21T21:00:00.000-08:00

please stop and say a prayer for my friend kirstyn and her family (dad, mom, 5 kids). her dad is the worship pastor at their church in north carolina and has been fighting pancreatic cancer for the past year. he has a mass around one of his arteries and things aren't looking good.

extreme makeover desk edition

2012-01-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

a few weeks ago i came to the realization that my current "office" situation was just not working for me. the desk was still stuffed with my brother's books and other things from when he was in high school. all of my piano business things were in piles all over the floor. the power strip was tangled up with every electrical cord i own. just a mess.

so.

on an impulse i ordered a file cabinet and some folders online.

the file cabinet and folders came...and sat outside my room for 2 weeks. i couldn't decide where to put it and i didn't have the energy to see things get worse before they would (hopefully) get better.

and so today became the day. i had no plans. no obligations. just an increasingly long to-do list mostly involving my disaster of a room.

and so i fought...

and i conquered.

i packed a bunch of my brother's things away and made room for my own in the drawers and cupboards.

then made sure all the electrical stuff was put nicely away.

and then the filing cabinet. soooo wonderful!!! top drawer is all my personal accounts (with the heavy firebox in the back) and the bottom drawer is all my piano business resources - books and worksheets all filed according to category. i am SO proud of myself haha!!!

i really do feel so much better ;)

2012-01-14T08:22:00.000-08:00

"So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD.
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
and He will come to us like the rain,
like the spring rain watering the earth."

hosea 6:3 nasb

home sweet freezing

2012-01-05T10:55:00.001-08:00

only took 24 hours for all the moisture to evaporate out of my golden skin. boo hiss. there's no lotion like humidity.

vacation was awesome!!! pics and details to come.

meanwhile, my to-do list is super not exciting. laundry, pay bills, get ready for piano lessons next week, clean the bathroom, etc...tho madre and BigAnna and i are watching TheBachelor tonight. always something to look forward to :)

i'm also now facing the reality of this. do they have extreme makeover DESK edition?

yanno...i do have some desk organization stuff packed in boxes from when i was at school (didn't think i'd be here long enough to need it...) and i did get an office max gift card for christmas...maybe it IS possible to find sanity in my little home office! plus there's a chance i may be getting a new external monitor from Steve-O if he can repair it. that should be motivation enough to find a place for it :)

maybe i will make this my procrastination project for the rest of the day...

easter

2011-12-22T06:06:00.000-08:00

easter is consuming my thoughts right now. i'm stuck in a vortex of creative planning and brainstorming. i couldn't fall asleep last night because my brain wouldn't shut off and then the whole idea of getting up early to pack just fell apart. sigh. self control!

off to meet TravelBuddy and get our toes done so my feet are sandal ready and not boot ready. then home to PACK (this MUST happen!) then work at the mall. sigh. thankful for the hours but so not looking forward to 7 hours of commercial christmas music :/

fasting

2011-12-18T20:55:00.000-08:00

so i'm still pretty new to this fasting thing and slowly but surely God is teaching me more and more about it. if you want a reality check about fasting read Isaiah 58. it hit me pretty hard this weekend.

we're not just "skipping meals" and going about our day, praying when the hunger reminds us to pray - God sees fasting as a sacrifice that in some way shows His glory.

it's long so i'm not going to post the whole thing on here, but you should read it. right now :)
and while you're at it, look it up in the Message too. super in your face :)

---

EDIT--
just for accountability's sake. my fasting today - complete fail. i woke up feeling SO tired and the whole way to work i was trying to pray and just worship with my music but i could not wake up! as the morning went on i kept feeling worse and worse and started getting this crazy headache. got home and had just over an hour before i had to go teach. was planning on spending that time in prayer but i ended up taking a nap because my head hurt so bad and i knew i had to go teach and then people were coming over later and i could.not.wake.up!!! not cool.

but thank goodness God is gracious! and He is patient with me the slow learner :/

one more week!

2011-12-17T07:18:00.000-08:00

The Piano Christmas Gathering last night was so much fun! About half my students and their parents came over to my house and we had a fun time eating cookies and sharing Christmas music. It's always great for me to see all my students in one place - and to watch them show off their hard work. It's times like those when I'm reminded how much I love teaching piano. It definitely has its frustrating days (like any job!), but I am so thankful for the opportunity to share and teach kids about something I love so much :)

Tonight is the DSO!!! I have always wanted to go to the DSO so I am super excited! Listening to/watching orchestras is very entertaining for the classical music nerd in me :) I am equally excited to go to Benihana for dinner!

I started wrapping some gifts last night. After everyone had gone home and I had changed into my sweatpants :) The fire was going and an old black and white Christmas movie was playing on the TV. I love moments like that.

The basement in which I live is a disaster. Especially my bedroom. I've been so in-and-out lately that things are getting a little crazier than I'd like... Since I moved back into this house 15 months ago, I've been treating it like it was a temporary living space (a ton of my brother's stuff is still in the bedroom!) But I think the time has come for me to just suck it up and treat the space like it's permanent. I've been trying to establish an organizational system for my piano music and teaching materials other than piles on the floor! Also my desk chair is still broken. I ordered a replacement part for it but cannot for the life of me figure out how to fix it. Steve-o is coming over on Monday so maybe he will have some insight. Sigh...it would be really nice to leave on vacation and come back to a clean and orderly basement. We shall see how I do this week...

By the way...I am SOOOO excited for our trip! TravelBuddy and I are getting pedicures this week so my feet are sandal-ready! Average temps in PR right now are in the 80s!!!

frankenmuth

2011-12-06T06:20:00.000-08:00

travelbuddy and stawn and i are going to frankenmuth on saturday. we will go to bronners and buy christmas ornaments and go have a chicken dinner and then walk around to the fudge shops sampling the fudge and not actually buying any. we may also go to the outlets at birch run. i am very much looking forward to our outing.

it has recently been brought to my attention that this is a very "old lady" thing to do. if this is true, i don't care. i'm still going. with a smile on my face.

i am just curious of the opinions of some others. what do you think?

in other news, i have a very.busy.weekend coming up NEXT week. piano christmas party friday evening, DSO (!!!) saturday night, then crazy sunday am with the worship arts christmas party on sunday night. so much to do!!! but i really think God is looking out for me because He gave me a whole two days off this week! (3 if you count the day i'm going to frankenmuth). and while i wasn't so thrilled about the lack of hours from a budget perspective, i'm going to be thankful for it because now i can work ahead and not be crazy stressed next week. i just need to think ahead and be a good steward of my time.

all that being said...gonna go write a piano score for a christmas eve song. it's gonna be sooooo pretty and i'm just a little bummed i'll be in PUERTO RICO when it's actually shared in the service...eh. i'll get over it :)

i know i've posted this video before, but i just love it so much. i watched it like 3 days in a row and her lyrics started getting stuck in my head. beautiful beautiful writing.

takedowns

2011-11-25T19:25:00.001-08:00

in music school (worship school more specifically) you get to (have to) take four semesters of a class called aural skills - which is basically ear training. it teaches you about rhythm and pitch - how to hear it and how to interpret it in written form. it's the one credit class that becomes just as much work as every other major class...and that everyone hates.

it is also probably the class (aside from voice and piano lessons) that i have used the most since finishing school. one thing this class taught us to do was to listen to a piece of music and be able to take down the chords and/or melody/rhythm so that other musicians can play it.

so when you see this:

Intro – Cm Abm/B Eb/Bb Cm6(no5)/A Ab Eb/G G7(b13) G7
1x – piano
2x – add pad, EG alt lead
3-4x – all

Cm Eb Bb
What child is this who laid to rest
Ab Cm G7
On Mary’s lap is sleeping
Cm Eb Bb
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet
Cm G7 Cm
While shepherds watch are keeping

you play this:

call me nerdy...but i think it's so cool that every note has a name and a meaning relative to the others. and how they all fit together in a crazy puzzle to make something beautiful.

so thankful i had the opportunity to learn the mechanics and inner workings of this unique language that God created :)

one thing

2011-11-22T15:44:00.001-08:00

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the world by myself? Tell her to help me!' 'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only ONE THING is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"
-luke 10:38-42

i love being busy.
it brings out my obsessive compulsive organizational habits, makes my days feel purposeful, and more often than not it fills them with things i love to do.

it also is my #1 distraction from hearing the voice of God.

i could be filling my time with the most selfless, most ministry-minded activities, but if i am so caught up in the logistics of doing them and am missing the point...then what is the point at all?

ONE THING.
one thing is needed: the ability to realize what is truly important - drinking in the voice of Jesus. being able to s.t.o.p and listen...and to obey.

i have been blessed with several amazing ministry opportunities this upcoming christmas season and as the season is fast approaching (i've been mentally there for a month now!), this ONE THING is something i have to consciously decide and determine and choose to do. to not allow my responsibilities to consume my thoughts, but to intentionally set them aside and make room for the voice of the Holy Spirit to speak.

SO looking forward to worship this week.

show me

2011-11-08T16:12:00.001-08:00

have this song spinning in my head right now. so soooo beautiful. Audrey Assad is clearly a poet and since i've always been terrible with complex poetry i've struggled to fully grasp the meaning of these lyrics.

in an interview, Audrey said this about her song "Show Me":

"'Show Me' is a song about redemptive suffering. It's not about wanting God to take away the pain just yet because I know it's worth something. And I have something to learn so just leave me here for right now, but be with me."

Heavy thoughts for sure. Take a listen. Soooo gorgeous.

You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
and i would blossom like a flower in the desert
but for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in a battle
put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes
and i would drift like falling snow over the embers
but for now just let me lie

bind up these broken bones
mercy bend and bring me back to life
but not before You show me how to die

set me like a star before the morning
like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep
and i'll illuminate the path You've laid before me
but for now just let me be

bind up these broken bones
mercy bend and bring me back to life
but not before You show me how to die
no not before You show me how to die

so let me go like a leaf upon the water
let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
and i will disappear into a deeper beauty
but for now just stay with me
God for now just stay with me

lyrics

2011-11-03T20:43:00.000-07:00

//You are my deepest longing/and so i see You everywhere//

//o make me Thine forever/and should i fainting be/Lord let me never never outlive my love to Thee//

//what can i say?/what can i do?/but offer this heart oh God completely to You//

there's no place like home...

2011-10-20T06:13:00.000-07:00

i'm back from my trip!!!

it was super fun and super cool and i loved every minute of it...especially WICKED!!! so totally in love with that musical. it gave me chills on every song. sigh. i want them to make a movie so i can watch it more often, but then again, i don't want to ruin the special-ness of it all by having it so easily accessible. for now i will just listen to the soundtrack in my car and sing along ;)

TravelBuddy and i have decided that we should start keeping a travel journal to document our adventures. she will be the one in actual ownership of the journal since she is the adventure planner and i am just the tag-along. we saw one in a store in TCity a few weeks ago but didn't buy it. now we're wishing we did because we haven't seen another one like it. it's really simple - just asks you specific questions about what you did and where you went. it's so easy to forget those little details so we wrote them down on TravelBuddy's computer and will fill them in when we actually get the travel journal :)

so vacation was fun...but now back to reality...

here is my to-do list for today (in no particular order of importance):

EDIT--

here is what is left of my to-do list. i think i did pretty well considering i unearthed a few more tasks as i went along.

- select christmas music for piano students - books selected...specific pieces not yet selected...

- specify drum patterns on leadsheets

- catch up with jessica (plly will NOT happen today...) - did not happen :/

- call about Rx

- plan 11/27 service - i have time...but not THAT much time...

- schedule haircut

- schedule accountability

- tailor

- buy stickers for piano

can i just say - i am so excited about piano christmas for my students!!! we will be doing some fun pieces and i am planning an exciting christmas party! hopefully my students do not think it's lame ;)

i am also super excited about some things CBC Worship is planning for the month of december. very excited to see it all come together...

2011-10-16T05:41:00.000-07:00

anticipation

2011-10-11T16:27:00.000-07:00

there are a lot of things coming up that are making me squirm with excitement:

- first women's quartet rehearsal tomorrow!
- road trip to CT to see JoManda
- a day spent in NYC and an evening at the Gershwin theatre and WICKED!!!

- a day in Boston - maybe some whale watching???
- halloween - trick-or-treating with my sisters :)

- thanksgiving
- my birthday (my golden birthday!)
- christmas
- christmas music
- christmas shopping
- christmas at church
- christmas in Puerto Rico!!!

everywhere i go i am already being completely surrounded by christmas. at the gap all the holiday lines have arrived in-store. i am constantly discovering things i want to buy for people!

when i get back from the new england road trip next week, i need to work on christmas planning for my piano students - music selection, christmas party, etc.

and church? well...christmas at church is going to be a.w.e.s.o.m.e! everyone's creative juices are flowing and i am anxious to spend the next 6ish weeks preparing for such a special season. i have a few special projects i am spearheading...some of which i am refusing to touch until after vacation. the month of december should be interesting ;)

and in the meantime i'm starting work on another special project. details to come another time :)

jury duty

2011-10-03T17:26:00.000-07:00

so...i was called for jury duty downtown today...

and i was chosen.

or as madre would put it: "i was CHOSEN!!!"

she is super jealous. and while, yes, it is very cool and very interesting, lots of people who miss work for jury duty still get paid...i do not :(

but God is sovereign and has me on this jury for a reason so i will make the best of it and go back tomorrow with a smile...

the jury selection process was very interesting. i started out in a room with a few hundred people. 42 of us were called into the courtroom and 14 were selected for the jury. the judge asked us several general questions about ourselves during this selection process, including what was our highest level of education. i was very surprised to learn that out of the 20ish people that were questioned, not even half have a college education. so many more people than i would have expected have only high school, high school and some college, or a GED.

maybe i'm just naive, it really caught my attention and made me feel very thankful for the opportunities i have been given in my life. God has had His hand of blessing on me and my family and i have had so many experiences and opportunities that some people can only dream about. thanks God!

let's get outa this town!

2011-09-29T17:04:00.000-07:00

i have worked at the gap 6 days in a row.

that is way.too.many.

it starts to get to you after a while. you start singing along to the music, correctly estimating where in a pile of shirts a size medium will fall, and other weird things that should not be happening.

so thankful i'm off the next two days.
i'm heading up to t.city to visit my gma. amanda lou is coming too ;)
we are leaving at 7am tomorrow (!!!) and getting starbucks on the way. just staying one night then heading home saturday evening. 7:30am bfst with worship team on sunday so no rest for the weary ;)

i am reading a book at during my breaks at work where this girl has a stalker. it's super creepy.

every time i go down to my bedroom in the basement i am on high alert for spiders and centipedes. i look for them when i walk to the bathroom and always wiggle the rugs with my foot to make sure nothing is hiding underneath. my mom told me a story of how she found a centipede on her bath towel when she was getting out of the shower many years ago. i now check my bath towels when i get out of the shower (thanks mom!). is this neurotic behavior? maybe. is it a sign that i have been traumatized...most definitely.

we are doing an "acoustic" set on sunday. i put the word acoustic in quotes because it's not really an acoustic set. there is still a drum set and electric guitars. it's a pretty big band if you ask me (drums, 2 acoustic guitars, 1 electric, bass, keyboard, piano, violin, 2 additional vocalists). but it's a whole different sound. very mellow. not just mellow songs, but a mellow take on songs we typically do differently. wednesday was a challenging practice (in my opinion) - lots of individual artistic interpretation combined with lots of listening. challenging, but still very fun. if you think of it, pray for our violinist this week - she has a lot of material to prepare and not a lot of time...

mmk. gotta go pack!

gap kids/baby

2011-09-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

i had a realization recently. most people know that i work at the gap. cause that's what i tell them. but they usually don't realize that i actually work in gapkids/babygap! kids/baby/adult/body is all one big giant store but i spend most of my time in kids/baby and the rest of it processing shipment. soooo much more fun than working in adult :)

it's been crazy busy at work. lots of long shifts (which i don't mind!) and lots of crazy customers. i have observed 2 types of customers at gapkids/baby gap. the first are what i like to call the RealHousewivesOfAnnArbor. these are the ladies (we very rarely have any male customers) who come in and buy their child a new wardrobe several times a year without even blinking at the pricetags. if they are accompanied by their kids at all, the kid is the one making all the decisions - typically VERY picky. they are incapable of putting outfits together in their head and often seek individual attention from the sales associates - of course we are more than willing to assist and offer suggestions, but there is a line between suggestions and being a personal shopper...

the second kind of customer is the ExtremeCouponer. they will come in with a stroller and a few other small children (who, after spending approx 5 minutes at the coloring table will proceed to wander aimlessly around the store touching things they shouldn't be touching) and spend a good long time looking at every.single.item on every.single.sale.rack. they will then bring 923847 items up to the cashwrap and question and debate about every.single.price as it is wrung up, all before they present their handful of coupons. then when ALL of their coupons do not combine with ALL of the in-store promotions, they debate with you and decide to not purchase half of the items. meanwhile, the children are still running around the store and the baby in the stroller is now crying because they've been in the store for a couple hours now and are either hungry/soiled. but when you ask if they want to save %15 to open the store credit card...they're not interested :/ oftentimes this person speaks broken english and has a very think accent which always adds to the fun!

of course these are the 2 extremes and there are many people in between ;)

the holiday line is beginning to arrive.

it is september.

but now i'm thinking about christmas.

i love christmas. but not for 4 months!!! that makes it oh so much less special.

but christmas clothes are so cute!

i went shopping yesterday and bought myself a gorgeous sparkly scarf (since i don't have enough scarves...) that i can't wait to wear with my white peacoat!

gah! i am such a sucker for marketing!

maybe it's the curse of working retail...

convicted felon?

2011-08-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

my brother TheNomad is currently home for a brief stay. he is in between jobs, school, housing, and is feeling quite displaced. today he was lamenting about how much he misses his town and his friends. he actually had the audacity to ask for my empathy! i reminded him that a little over a year ago i had a similar lifestyle that i had to leave behind and have since lived without. while i do understand where he is coming from, i do not at all feel bad for him missing his friends and town for a couple days.

but then he said:

"but see, you are like the convicted felon who's been in prison for 20 years. you've been institutionalized. i'm just fresh meat."

for real?

2011-08-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

songs

knitting

2011-08-08T12:20:00.000-07:00

today i am trying to tackle TheDesk.

amanda would be proud.

but i was going through files on my computer and deleting stuff and i found this - i think i blogged about it way back in the day and saved it. i think this would be christmastime, 2006.
if you knew him at all you can totally hear this conversation unfolding :)

dad: "what are you making?"

me: "a scarf."

dad: "just a scarf?"

me: "yes"

dad: "do you know how to make anything else?"

me: "no"

dad: "really? you should get a pattern."

me: "i don't want to."

dad: "how many stitches across is that scarf?"

me: "15."

dad: "so you just cast on 15 stitches and knit a row and then a row on top of the row and so on?"

me: "pretty much."

dad: "do you know how to pearl?"

me: "i don't even know what that means."

dad: "you don't know how to pearl?!?!?! do you know any other kinds of stitches?"

me: (starting to get really confused at this point) "no. sorry."

dad: (after a long pause) "i used to knit."

me: "you what?!?"

dad: "i used to knit."

me: "when?"

dad: "my mom taught me."

me: (still in astonishment) "what did you make?"

dad: "i don't really remember. i think i made a bunch of potholders."

me: "huh. i still can't believe that you used to knit."

dad: "i did."

me: "do you wanna do a row of my scarf?"

dad: "no."

me: "why not?"

dad: "i don't remember how."

2011-08-08T10:28:00.001-07:00

take a listen - even while you're doing email or something.

colossians 3:1-17

2011-08-05T21:10:00.000-07:00

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, you also will appear with Him in glory.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

i want to memorize this.

i think God wants me to memorize this.

pray with me that i will stick with it and stay committed.

this week

2011-08-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

thanks to those who responded to my worship post! i love reading those answers!

still waiting to hear from...

marie

pam

kristin

bethany

kim

among others...no hiding!

to do this week:

- piano prep for wed lessons - DONE

- rehearsal prep for wed night - DONE

- prep for sun am - DONE

- prepare girls bday gifts - DONE

- worship video

- send out resumes with new video

- put luggage away from chicago trip - DONE

- pour cleaner down bathroom drain

- write letter to jonny bravo :/

- take car to dealer to have tire examined - DONE

chicago

2011-07-31T21:32:00.000-07:00

i'm going to try and pretend to not be hurt that no one other than my mother has answered my worship post from last week. i'm sure people are on vacation but come on! there's gotta be some thoughts out there!

well chicago is loads of fun - as one can imagine.

my brother is back in my life. i am thankful as i missed him.

i love going on trips when i'm not paying for them.

we saw Beauty and the Beast at the Oriental Theater tonight. it was fabulous! one of my favorite stories of all time. sooooooo thankful for the opportunity to go as i LIVE for opportunities to attend broadway shows!

off to the aquarium tomorrow. i'm sure the girlies will enjoy that :)

off to bed. but i will leave you with this mental image:

me and madre riding the train with the girls. me and madre guiding the girls (and our luggage) through chicago's union station (it is 90 degrees and humid outside). me and madre, girls, and luggage finding our way through the city from the train station to the correct subway station. me, madre, girls, luggage, on said subway to o'hare airport. thank you Lord that our hotel was attached to the airport :)

an even more entertaining scene would be:
me, madre, girls, luggage, AND ross with his giant india duffle bag strapped to his back and his regular backpack on his front all traipsing from the hotel/airport and onto the subway, and then through the streets of chicago to our new hotel.

getting back to union station tomorrow should be a hoot!

Wonderings...

2011-07-26T18:11:00.001-07:00

alright all you lurkers out there (especially those who attend my church)...time to come out of hiding!!!

i would like to preface this by saying that just because i am one of the worship leaders does not make me your personal juke box. i am not doing "market research" here. this is just the sort of stuff i talk about with people over peppermint hot chocolate and it's summer so i haven't had my fix in a while.

1. what is ONE song that we used to sing/have never sung in church that you wish we would?

2. what is ONE song we currently sing in church that you really "connect with"?
bonus points if you tell me WHY???

3. what is ONE time that you can remember having a genuine worshipful moment in church in which you truly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit? what was going on in the service and what made it so worshipful for you?

Madre - only ONE. choose carefully.

Phil - i know you read this so answer please :)

MARIE - i can't wait to read your responses!!!

this week

2011-07-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

- pick up bedroom and vacuum - DONE

- wash bedding - DONE

- other laundry - DONE

- pour cleaner down bathroom drains

- take deposit to bank - DONE

- pay bills - DONE

- order ink for printer - DONE

- return/exchange books at evola - DONE

- get with aaron/vinnie? re: 8/7 service - DONE

- plan 8/7 service - DONE

- admin stuff for 7/31 service - DONE

- gifts for k&a's bdays - DECIDED, not done...

- update worship leading video

- send out more resumes with said new video

- write a letter to jonny bravo :/

- pack for chicago! - DONE

- burn cds for madre - DONE!!!!!

- get organized for this week's piano lessons - DONE

josh groban!

2011-07-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

i'm going to see josh groban in concert. on saturday. i'm super excited.

thank you special friend who is treating to a special night!

thank you nice co-worker who picked up my saturday night shift!

thank you God for making it all possible!!!

something beautiful

2011-07-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

today i was driving home from work in the middle of the afternoon. the sky was blue with big white puffy clouds, the sun was shining, and there were exactly 5 cars on the expressway. it was a good day to be driving. one where you don't really know how much time has passed, where you get in the zone and just get lost in thought (all the while paying very close attention to the road and traffic ;) - madre).

i was taking in the beautiful day and started thinking about heaven. about how this must just be a taste of it. and how my dad is in the midst of it. and how heaven is truly what we were made for. all the angst and frustration i feel is so terrible because it goes against who i am deep down inside.

and as i was driving and thinking about heaven, i suddenly felt an overwhelming sensation of...

satisfaction
completeness
wholeness

something i haven't felt in a long time. it only lasted for a moment, but i was reminded of what it felt like to not be angst-y. this past year i've had so much frustration trying to figure out how to do life. i'm struggling to figure out God's path for my life and all the while trying desperately to not compare myself to my peers who's lives are following a more typical path than mine. God has promised faithfulness and asked me to trust him but we all know that is not always easy :)

lately i've been more tuned in to all this i guess. i've been out of school for a year and yet i still feel like Rapunzel trapped in her tower, waiting for her life to just start. but really i think it has started - just not in the way i would've expected.

i remember getting that feeling - like i had when i was driving - when i would sing and worship. not when i was leading, but when i was just out in the crowd having my own personal God time. or when i'd journal my prayers, listening for the Holy Spirit to speak to my heart. it felt so right. so perfect. so complete. like all the empty spaces of unanswered questions in me were all filled up.

in a way i feel like my life is at a standstill. and in a way i think it's moving quicker than i realize. but regardless, i feel like something is missing. like i'm waiting for something to just happen. i don't know if God is trying to do something in me or if i'm supposed to pursue something or what. i just know that i am restless.

i resonated with a lyric today (shocker!)

this is my desire:
consume me like a fire
cause i just want
something beautiful to touch me
i know that i'm in reach
cause i am down on my knees
waiting for something beautiful

and then (this one convicted me!)
in a daydream i wouldn't live like this
i wouldn't stop until i found something beautiful

if i was in a daydream - a state of mind where everything was perfect - my life would NOT be the way it is now. i'm not talking about circumstances. just that i would know there was something greater and would be striving and doing everything in my power to attain it.

not sure what this means for me or what lesson God is trying to show me. i just know that i want that close-to-God feeling to be allthetime and not just for a few fleeting moments here and there...

faith

2011-06-22T12:18:00.000-07:00

i often find it very discouraging when God does not "answer" my questions. i wonder if there's something wrong with me - like do i have unconfessed sin? are there idols in my life? like there's something keeping me from hearing His voice.

but lately i feel like God is reminding me in the "silence" that i am to wait. to move only when He tells me to move. like the Israelites following the pillar of fire - i will stay where i am until He moves and only then will i follow.

in a way i think waiting is actually harder than moving. it's hard to hear silence or "wait" for so long. i begin to doubt myself and the validity of this "plan" i'm stuck in the middle of and am basing my life around. it's easy to share with others the direction you are heading, but it's much more difficult to tell people "i'm just waiting to see what's next" and actually maintain a scrap of self-esteem. i feel like people don't really get it when i (or anyone else) lives their life unconventionally. i have to constantly remind myself that i'm NOT a failure. i'm just different. and being different is okay because i'm basing my life around God's direction.

HOWEVER

i don't want it to seem like i'm making excuses and taking the easy road...

BUT

i really shouldn't care what other people think ;)

i am reminded of Abraham and his great faith that drove him to follow the unseen God on a journey that really made no sense to anyone else. i think that in a way it takes just as much faith to just wait. Like the Israelites in captivity - I can't understand why i am where i am or why certain things happen, but He has given me His Word and His Promises and i am called to trust that. and really i'd much rather trust in Him who is all truth and sovereignty than my own pathetic excuse for a plan :)

2011-06-21T18:59:00.000-07:00

day 1 pics here

the poem

2011-06-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

home from the neverending trip.

was it good? yes.

was it stretching yes.

am i glad i did it? yes.

would i do it again? nope lol!

it was a great week with lots of time to think and stretch myself and just "unplug" for a while. pics soon hopefully. my travel buddy was in charge of that.

on our last night camping we decided we would each write a poem about our trip. you must understand that this was the 7th night we were sleeping in a tent. it was about 50 degrees outside. all our wood was wet. we had gone out for dinner and then spent over an hour playing uno in the tent. we were bored and SO over the whole camping thing. so then we opted for poetry. travel buddy should be posting her poem (much funnier than mine!) on her blog soon...

you must also understand that the term "badass" was used as a method of self-validation after going without a shower for 4 days, kayaking on lake superior, hiking the porcupine mtns, and sleeping in a tent for a week.

the clouds descend over the early morning sun

baring the way

between dark and day

how long will it stay this way?

the trail is wet with dew and drops of rain

but it beckons

calling

pleading

"try me"

sizing me up like i'm not enough

to take it

i smile and shake my head and grit my teeth

as i descend beneath

the canopy of leaves

down

down into the valley of despair

the trees breathe and deceive me

the path is easy at first and beckoning

but the real test is coming

watching and waiting

for me to surrender

but i stand

and move

forward and up not because of fear

but because i've been to hell and back without shedding a tear

these days hell is cold nights

and days with hot climbs

and biting flies

i've got grease in my hair

and dirt under my nails

the climb is steep and long

but i am strong

so i push

and strain

make my way through the rain

until i finally break through the trees

and i see

the view

You

reflected in all that is good and true

and then in the beauty i see that

with You

nothing can hold me back

with You

i am badass

down to the wire!

2011-06-09T05:34:00.000-07:00

went to the lake last night and swam all over.
i'm now quite sore.

we leave for up north tomorrow! i can hardly believe it's here! i'm excited and kinda nervous. i haven't camped in a long time and i'm very much a comforts of home lover. plus a few of the activities we've planned are a little outside my comfort zone...well...a lot lol. i'm trying not to freak out ;) last summer i went to texas. this summer i'm going kayaking on lake superior ;o

and as madre bluntly said..."well, if you die, you can see daddy"

thanks.

still a lot to get done. and since i'm completely and utterly unmotivated to do anything today i'm going to make a list and revel in crossing things off.

- get oil changed - done! (but bummer the place i had the free coupon for was too backed up to take me :/ )

- check tire pressure - done!

- call in Rx refills - done!

- pack my bag for camping - working on it...

- buy waterproof matches - done! couldn't find waterproof so went with regular :/

- buy/find at home facewash refill - done!

- pick up rehearsal dinner dess from tailor - done! thanks mom!

- pick up Rx refills - done!

- pick up BMG from bride's house??? - will plly get at nail place...

- go to the bank - done!

- double check and make sure we have all camping equipment - done!

- pack equipment, bags, and food into car - done!

- get wedding music folder organized - working on it...

- touch base with piano parents about schedule for next 2 weeks - working on it...

- meet bride & co at nail salon at 5pm - done! and had a great time!

whew!

i better get in the shower!!!

update...coming along slowly but surely. my motivation is not increasing :/

gonna go put on some mascara and go run some errands. i found a coupon in my glove box for a free oil change! thanks God for that little wink ;)

evening has come...only a few things left to do:

- pack bag for mackinac...will complete in am with toiletries

- pack leisure activies (books, card games, etc)

- pack painkillers

- organize wedding music

- finish roadtrip playlists

goal: bed by 11pm...alarm goes off at 5:00am tomorrow!

happy monday

2011-05-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

went to the lake today with my bestie and my bros.

got kissed by the sun and celebrated with dairy king.

observation:
it is impossible to go to dairy king on a weekend without running into someone i know.

this week:
co-hosting bachelorette party on friday.
preparation for piano recital next monday.
more preparation for wedding/VACATION next week!!!!!

see amanda - i AM excited ;)

we watched "how to train your dragon" tonight. it was a lot better than i was expecting! it would be SO COOL to have a pet dragon and fly all over the place. just sayin.

interesting thought/good reminder from the book i was reading at the lake today:

"I've heard may people question God for not responding when they prayed in faith. I don't doubt that these people prayed in faith, but the question is whether they prayed for things God has promised...There is a huge difference between believing what God has promised and praying for things you'd like to be true."

-francis chan (forgotten God)

she better git it!!!

2011-05-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

accepting a compliment

2011-05-04T17:44:00.001-07:00

i think i have always struggled with accepting compliments. especially when it comes to music. in j.high and even high school when i would do special music in church or at school or whatever and people would compliment me i would always feel really awkward and not really know what to say. i think i've grown a lot since then and definitely moved past the awkward phase. but recently i've started doing more worship leading than i have actual "performing".

let's just be clear.

in my mind, getting up on stage and doing something musical does not automatically qualify as a performance. a musical performance is when your goal is to entertain the audience. music ministry is when your goal is to help engage or encourage the audience in their personal worship - acting as a go-between for the Spirit to work.

this being said, i struggle when people come up to me after a worship service and say things like "worship was just great today" or "i just love it when you lead worship" or "great job this morning"

somehow simply saying "you're welcome" or "thank you" doesn't seem right to me.

it's like they're missing the point.

i could go on and on about this...and i think i just might because it's my blog and if you don't want to read then just leave ;)

"worship was just great today"

what makes worship "great"?

honestly.

this has been a huge pet peeve of mine for a long time.

it has been my observation that many people judge "great" worship by whether their favorite worship leader was leading or whether we sang their favorite songs and not by whether the Spirit was working in them or not.

granted, i am not one to judge the hearts and motives of others.

but really! when people tell me that worship was great, it comes across in a way that seems like they are paying me a compliment when really that's not what it should be at all.

i think from now on when people say that worship was great i'm going to ask them WHY it was great. why specifically was it great to them? how did the Spirit work in them through the music?

hmmmm...

"i just love it when you lead worship"

many people have said this to me - many people who i know personally and who i know have good intentions behind their words. i do understand that different worship styles speak differently to different people. but that's why i love that we have several different worship leaders at our church! we are all so unique and bring so much to the table and oftentimes when people tell me they prefer me over some of the others i get semi-defensive of my peer leaders. some of them have quite a bit of negative stereotype following them around and it makes me sad because i know their hearts and the passion behind why they do what they do. i am often at a loss for words when people say this to me. i'm not even sure what they're expecting me to say in return! do they want me to say "thank you"? i cannot in good conscience do that because i feel like it takes the attention off of God and puts it onto me.

maybe from now on i will smile and simply thank them for their encouragement.

i dunno. i still feel funny about that one.

"great job this morning"

this one is hard too. this is almost ALWAYS intended as a compliment. and this is where the performance vs. ministry model comes in. if i were giving a recital or a concert or a performance of any kind then saying "great job" would be perfectly appropriate. but when it's ministry??? first off, if i accepted this compliment, i feel like it would mean i was accepting credit for what happened on that stage. as if i had intended to please them. secondly, it takes the focus away from God and puts it on me. it was not me personally who spoke to them. it was the Holy Spirit.

still not sure what to say in response to this one. i've tried doing the "it's all God" thing but i don't want to be rude and not "accept the compliment". i think i just hate compliments.

i think to me accepting a compliment for leading worship is robbing God of the glory He deserves. the glory that i most definitely do not deserve. i want to serve the congregation and minister to them through the gifts God has given me, but i do NOT want them to miss the point and put me on a pedestal and exalt me simply because they like the sound of the music on sunday morning .

maybe i'm being too sensitive.

or maybe i'm not sensitive enough...

any other thoughts out there?

barbie hair

2011-04-27T08:20:00.000-07:00

my dear sisters were given a Rapunzel doll for christmas. Rapunzel...with her beautiful long long loooonnnggg hair. right when they got the doll i foresaw that this long hair would become an issue and would not be very beautiful for very long. so i took it upon myself to save the doll from such a fate. i convinced the girls to let me braid Rapunzel's long long hair so that it would no longer be long and flowing but would be tied back and out of the way from...tangles...ripping...the dog...whatever. it took some convincing but i won.

this morning i stumbled upon Rapunzel and saw that her beautiful long braid from back at Christmastime had been taken out!!!! someone had sacrificed the kempt hair to have it long and flowing. the problem was that the long and flowing hair quickly became very messy tangled hair.

it was a little more than i could handle.

with a bit more encouragement, i was able to convince the girls to let me re-braid Rapunzel's hair - into a braid even more beautiful than the one before!

doesn't she look so nice now!??!

there is no real point to this story. i just wanted to show the before/after pics i took of the doll :)

2011-04-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

so...we watch kids movies at my house. and they're great!

the lighting of the lanterns gives me goosebumps every time :)

i'm going to virginiaaaaaaa!!!!!!

2011-04-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

nah nah nah boo boo i'm going on vacation.

yes.

i've decided that this is a vacation.

from what you ask?

well i'll tell you.

a vacation from living at home.

that is all.

madre - love you dearly but i need a break ;)

i know it's not quite as exciting as some of the trips my piano students are going on (gma's farm while parents are in vegas, kalahari, florida - just to name a few...), but i am relishing the opportunity to go anywhere a.w.a.y.

ANNNNDDDDD

i am choosing NOT to stress out about how i will micro-manage my time down there.

nope.

i am going to be chill.

go with the flow.

laid back.

anti-anxious.

i might even go climb a mountain by myself on a beautiful 75 degree day while everyone i know is in class...CAUSE I'M NOT IN CLASS!!!!

hehe.

they would be so jealous ;)

oh and p.s. the people i'm staying with actually have a BED for me!

i'm not going to have to sleep on the floor!!!!!

i'm excited to catch up with some friends and see some recitals (yes i'm a nerd) and eat some of God's food (chick-fil-a).

God thank you so much for making it possible for me to make this trip! Please allow me opportunities to spend quality time with friends and to also spend some good time with you. Make this trip what YOU want it to be!

katie's visit

2011-04-07T18:11:00.000-07:00

my friend katie came to visit from va a few weeks ago.

we went and visited lake michigan since she'd never seen it.

it was lovely :)

2011-04-06T20:27:00.000-07:00

check this out.

i miss this!

money

2011-03-31T20:12:00.001-07:00

i hate money.

i hate not having any.

i hate that it's necessary.

i hate the reason it's necessary.

the end.

new car!

2011-03-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

so today we made it official. i am no longer driving a lease car. went with madre to the dealer this morning and we signed paperwork and turned in my VA plates. looking back i remember being so frustrated that the car got registered in the state of VA, but now it's sorta sad to see them go. it was like a little piece of my history following me everywhere. but on the other hand...i feel excited. this was a huge deal for me, especially doing it without dad. and even though i'm going to be paying on this car for...well, ever, it's kind of a liberating feeling. like i'm proving to myself that i can figure out life without him here. i think he would be really proud of me :)

wednesday mornings

2011-03-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

every wednesday for the past month or so i have been getting together with aaron and the 3 other worship leaders at cbc. we meet much earlier than i would like and spend time talking about our lives, what God is teaching us, and examining the service from the previous sunday. it's been really great to get to know these guys better and have the opportunity to walk alongside each other in ministry. and yes the early mornings are a pain, but it can be nice to get a good jump start on the day ;)

pics coming

2011-03-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

hopefully will post soon about katie's visit to mi.

in other news...drove about an hour to visit a good friend today. she just recently moved for a new job. got to meet (briefly) her boyfriend and see where she lives. she seems really happy and i am happy for her.

then amanda and i went shopping to use a verygoodcoupon at the outlet stores near where our friend lives. we did not leave empty handed and found some things we had been looking for at a bargain...and of course some extras ;)

this week is going to be busy. but busy is good. busy is what i like.

its also distracting.

i need to not loose focus.

i need to keep focused on God and His truth.

i need to protect time to spend with Him.

i also need to begin actively pursuing more piano teaching/accompanying work for the spring/summer months.

and that whole songwriting thing...yeah...God's not gonna let that one go.

HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!

2011-03-11T05:29:00.000-08:00

i had a dream last night that i saw dad - like his alter-ego or his clone or something. it wasn't him, but it was him. weird.

he gave me a big long hug.

i miss his hugs.

choose joy

2011-03-06T19:18:00.000-08:00

sometimes joy comes naturally.

it is the overflow of what is inside.

something good.

sometimes joy does not come naturally.

what is inside is, in a sense, not good.

and it spills over.

what is inside can be affected by many things.

it is obviously affected by what we put in.

but it can be affected by circumstances, things put in by others.

whether they be positive or negative they all have an effect on our overflow.

but i'm wondering if when your insides are all full up of nasty...nasty that has come from all sorts of places - both outside and within your control...can you make a decision to just choose to have joy overflow instead?

i mean, i do know the answer to this question. technically.

james 1 spells it out pretty clearly. that and all those other scriptures about the power of the holy spirit. i know hypothetically how this is supposed to all work.

it just doesn't always make sense that this should be such an easy fix.

sure it's a fairly easy concept...but is it really that easy?

not sure i'm really looking for an answer.

i just wanted to send these rambling thoughts out to get lost in cyberspace.

i talk to myself sometimes ;)

2011-03-05T17:11:00.000-08:00

who can hold the stars

and my weary heart?

who can see anything?

i've fallen so hard,

sometimes it seems so far

but not beyond Your reach.

i could climb a mountain

swim the ocean

do anything,

but it's when You hold me

that i start unfolding

and all that i can say is

hallelujah.

the same sun that rises over castles

and welcomes the day

spills over buildings and into the streets

where orphans play.

and only You can see the good

in broken things.

You took my heart of stone

and You made it home,

set this prisoner free.

hallelujah.

va bound?

2011-02-28T21:00:00.000-08:00

jonny's recital is april 14

paul's recital is april 20

katie's birthday is april 20

katie's recital is april 21

piano students are on spring break april 18-22

by april i will have $200 in the fund.

projected round trip gas cost is $165.

somehow i think God may be putting the pieces into place...

life goes on

2011-02-22T21:09:00.000-08:00

even when our world is shaken...time doesn't stop. not for me. not for anyone. the clock keeps ticking and the days keep passing by. there is still work and responsibility. for goodness sakes - there's a whole future!

and yet i still go to bed feeling sad every night.

i want to move forward with life but in a way i feel guilty. like i'm moving on without him. leaving him behind. the clock stopped for him (and lucky him - he is no longer bound by it)...but it still kept ticking and carrying me along. leaving him behind.

i wanted him to be there. to walk with me along the way. to be my sure thing. to have all the answers. his strong hands and warm embrace. his wisdom and experience of life.

with him i was safe.

really it should be my heavenly father who takes on this role. he's the one who should have had it in the first place. but isn't it my heavenly father who set the example for my earthly father?

i'm so scared.

and i don't know what i'm scared of.

and all i can hear is my dad telling me how i shouldn't let fear hold me back. how i have so much potential.

for his sake - if nothing else - i don't want to waste my life.

the clock keeps ticking. time keeps passing.

but i'm not moving.

when i was a little girl i got lost at sea world. i was climbing through some big climbing ropes/net obstacle course thing with my dad and we got separated. i tried to find him and got myself even more lost in the process. i was so scared. and finally out of exasperation i sat down in the middle of the ropes/net obstacle course and waited, knowing my dad would come for me. he had to. mother always taught us to stay put if we got lost. and you know what? he found me. and i had never been so happy to see him. he took my hand and showed me the way out of the obstacle course and i was no longer lost. i was safe.

pals...

2011-02-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

2011-02-11T20:25:00.000-08:00

//no guilt in life/no fear in death//

2011-02-08T20:13:00.001-08:00

...this is the power of Christ in me.

have you ever stopped and thought. really thought. about those words?

i mean lots of times we sing the song and our thoughts touch on those words as we pass by them, but have you ever really, REALLY taken time to think about the significance and TRUTH held in those simply lyrics?

the power of Christ IN.ME. is the reason we can go throughout our days without being weighed down by the burden of guilt and sin while we are still alive. the face that GOD went to such extremes to carry the punishment for us so that we would be able - at all! - to have the Holy Spirit living within us. it blows my mind.

because of the power of Christ IN.ME. i can go through life not having to f.e.a.r death because i know for me there is no death. for anyone who accepts Him, there is NO DEATH!!! so why should we be afraid???

THIS

is the power of Christ in me.

the power of Christ says my sins are paid for.

the power of Christ says i don't have to be afraid.

the power of Christ says there is hope.

sigh.

oh sweet truth.

baby steps

2011-02-05T19:08:00.000-08:00

today i found a bit of productivity.

- helped mom attack the office.

- cleaned up my room a considerable amount

- printed some business cards (need to get more paper...)

- sent another email regarding song publishing

one day at a time.

2011-01-27T20:36:00.000-08:00

2011-01-27T07:24:00.001-08:00

[in this world you will have trouble. but take heart! I have overcome the world.]

--john 16:33

can i just say...i love my God!

don't be stupid!

2011-01-18T17:19:00.000-08:00

sigh.

2011-01-13T20:15:00.000-08:00

sometimes i want to run away.

to just disappear and leave all the bad things behind.

and go to a tropical island and be pampered and have a sunburnt nose instead of frostbitten toes.

i would lie on the beach sipping my strawberry lemonade and let the waves wash my troubles away.

and i would feel better.

but unfortunately that's not how life works.

instead i'm stuck here in the frozen north where my toes are always cold and the sun is hidden behind the snow clouds before it sets at 5pm.

i feel trapped. like i'm going no where fast.

and yet, as much as it sucks, i know this is where i'm supposed to be.

i have plenty to be thankful for. i really have no reason to complain because i have been v.e.r.y blessed.

i just needed to get that off my chest.

carry me

2011-01-07T21:21:00.001-08:00

pain is a forest we all get lost in

and in its branches hope can be so hard to see

and in the darkness we've all got questions

we're all just trying to make sense out of suffering

but You say i am blessed because of this

so i'll choose to believe

as i carry this cross

You'll carry me

help me believe it

fear is a current we all get caught in

and in its motion faith can be so hard to find

and we all falter cause we're all broken

we're all just trying to turn the shadows into light

but You get glory in the midst of this

and You're walking with me

and You say i am blessed because of this

so i'll choose to believe

as i carry this cross

You'll carry me

and i know Your promises are faithful

and God i've seen Your goodness in my life

and oh i've found Your mercy is a river

Your love is an ocean wide

You say i am blessed because of this

and You get glory in this midst of this

and You're walking with me

and You say i am blessed because of this

so i'll choose to believe

as i carry this cross

you'll carry me

Your love is an ocean wide

- audrey assad

out with the old and in with the new!

2010-12-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

it's been a crazy year - once again a year of transition (is anything else new?)

here are some reflections of my 2010 experiences:

- graduated from college (woo hoo!!!)

- stood up in the wedding of a dear friend (the first of several...)

- transitioned from a paper planner to a phone planner

- spent 3 months in west texas (which might as well be a foreign country)

- moved back to mi

- got a new job (or 2)

- got (more) serious about songwriting and proved to myself that it's not impossible

- dealt with my dad's declining health

here are some things i'm hoping to work on in 2011:

- budget my money (for real)

- exercise (for real)

- clean more often (really!)

- learn how to effectively use the recording equipment my dad bought me

- get my songs heard...somewhere lol.

- find a full time worship job

happy 2011!

another song

2010-12-26T19:25:00.001-08:00

i know i've been posting lots of songs and lyrics lately...but this one is really good! and it is really resonating with me right now. please take 3 minutes and be blessed!

bless us all

2010-12-24T20:31:00.000-08:00

life is full of sweet surprises - every day's a gift

the sun comes up and i can feel it lift my spirit

fills me up with laughter

fills me up with song

i look into the eyes of love and know that i belong

bless us all who gather here

the loving family i hold dear

no place on earth compares with home

and every path will lead me back from where i roam

bless us all that as we live

we always comfort and forgive

we have so much that we can share

with those in need we see around us everywhere

let us always love each other

lead us to the light

let us be the voice or reason singing in the night

let us run from anger

and catch us when we fall

teach us in our dreams and please, yes please

bless us one and all

bless us all with playful years

with noisy games and joyful tears

we reach for You and we stand tall

and in our prayers and dreams we ask You

bless us all

2010-12-21T15:53:00.001-08:00

12 Days of Christmas...continued...

2010-12-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

On the Seventh day of Christmas my Father gave to me: seven hours working, six family members who love me, five scheduled shifts next week, four tires with adequate air pressure, three containers of cookies mailed to my Texas host family, two warm boots for my cold feet, and a conversation with a good friend.

On the Eighth day of Christmas my Father gave to me: eight errands ran with ross, seven hours working, six family members who love me, five scheduled shifts next week, four tires with adequate air pressure, three containers of cookies mailed to my Texas host family, two warm boots for my cold feet, and a conversation with a good friend.

on the Ninth day of Christmas my Father gave to me: nine hours of sleep in my new cozy sweatpants, eight errands ran with ross, seven hours working, six family members who love me, five scheduled shifts next week, four tires with adequate air pressure, three containers of cookies mailed to my Texas host family, two warm boots for my cold feet, and a conversation with a good friend.

THIS IS GETTING SOOOO HARD!!!

on the Tenth day of Christmas my Father gave to me: ten minutes with Him before heading to work, nine hours of sleep in my new cozy sweatpants, eight errands ran with ross, seven hours working, six family members who love me, five scheduled shifts next week, four tires with adequate air pressure, three containers of cookies mailed to my Texas host family, two warm boots for my cold feet, and a conversation with a good friend.

on the Eleventh day of Christmas my Father gave me: (approximately) eleven customers helped in GapKids this morning, ten minutes with Him before heading to work, nine hours of sleep in my new cozy sweatpants, eight errands ran with ross, seven hours working, six family members who love me, five scheduled shifts next week, four tires with adequate air pressure, three containers of cookies mailed to my Texas host family, two warm boots for my cold feet, and a conversation with a good friend.

on the Twelfth day of Christmas my Father gave to me: twelve happy hours with my family, (approximately) eleven customers helped in GapKids this morning, ten minutes with Him before heading to work, nine hours of sleep in my new cozy sweatpants, eight errands ran with ross, seven hours working, six family members who love me, five scheduled shifts next week, four tires with adequate air pressure, three containers of cookies mailed to my Texas host family, two warm boots for my cold feet, and a conversation with a good friend.

12 days of Christmas

2010-12-15T06:25:00.000-08:00

on the First day of Christmas my Father gave to me: a conversation with a good friend

on the Second day of Christmas my Father gave to me: two warm boots for my cold feet and a conversation with a good friend.

on the Third day of Christmas my Father gave to me: three containers of cookies mailed to my Texas host family, two warm boots for my cold feet, and a conversation with a good friend.

on the Forth day of Christmas my Father gave to me: four tires with adequate air pressure, three containers of cookies mailed to my Texas host family, two warm boots for my cold feet, and a conversation with a good friend.

on the Fifth day of Christmas my Father gave to me: five scheduled shifts next week, four tires with adequate air pressure, three containers of cookies mailed to my Texas host family, two warm boots for my cold feet, and a conversation with a good friend.

on the Sixth day of Christmas my Father gave to me: six family members who love me, five scheduled shifts next week, four tires with adequate air pressure, three containers of cookies mailed to my Texas host family, two warm boots for my cold feet, and a conversation with a good friend.

whew! halfway there.

and i feel like this was the easy half...

reflecting on these words this week...

2010-12-07T19:49:00.000-08:00

the skies don't seem to be as dark as usual

the stars seem brighter than they've been before
and deep within i feel my soul is stirring

as though my hope has been restored

the shepherds say they've heard the voice of angels
confirming rumors spread across the land

that a child protected well from Herod's anger
is our Father's Son and the Son of Man

Love is raining down on the world tonight

there's a presence here, i can tell

God is in us
God is for us
God is with us, Emmanuel

He's the Savior we have been praying for

in our humble hearts He will dwell
God is in us
God is for us
God is with us, Emmanuel

i feel compelled to tell all who will listen
that peace on earth is not so out of reach
if we can find grace and mercy and forgiveness
He has come to save
He is all of these

Love is raining down on the world tonight

there's a presence here, i can tell

God is in us
God is for us
God is with us, Emmanuel

He's the Savior we have been praying for

in our humble hearts He will dwell
God is in us
God is for us
God is with us, Emmanuel

You're the Savior we have been praying for

in our humble hearts You will dwell

You are in us
You are for us
Your are with us
Emmanuel

latest lyrics - "leap of faith"

2010-12-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

the road ahead is twisted and long

at times i can't see past the hills
You say this road will never lead me wrong
because it leads me to Your will

and You say "do not fear"
because You're always near

so if You say go, i will go
if You say stay, i'll stay
if You say leap, i'll take a leap of faith

knowing i can always trust in You

the way is steep and the path is narrow
at times i don't like what i see
it might not make sense to keep on but i know

the hand that carved the path is holding me

and You say "do not fear"

because You're always near

so if You say go, i will go
if You say stay, i'll stay
if You say leap, i'll take a leap of faith

knowing i can always trust in You

Jesus, Jesus, how i trust You
how i've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus

oh for grace to trust You more

2010-11-26T18:44:00.001-08:00

elizabethtown is a great movie. just sayin.

sudden inspiration?

2010-11-16T20:30:00.000-08:00

after talking Christmas worship service-planning this morning, i had a burst of inspiration today and wrote a vocals arrangement for Chris Rice's Welcome to Our World. next on my list: vocals (or maybe just piano...not sure yet) arrangement of O Come, O Come Emmanuel and an adaptation of Casting Crowns' I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day. maybe you'll hear one or more of these in church sometime soon...

shoes

2010-11-10T16:53:00.000-08:00

i bought these shoes to wear in my friends wedding in february. now i just have to find a fabulous LBD to go with them ;)

2010-11-08T06:29:00.000-08:00

great offer available here!

writing

2010-11-07T20:14:00.000-08:00

i haven't touched songwriting stuff in over a week now.

not sure how i feel about that.

i want to stick with it. really. truly.

i mean, i have great ideas...but i haven't been able to produce something i find satisfactory in a while now.

maybe i'm too critical.

maybe my relationship with God needs some attention.

i don't know.

i want to make this songwriting thing happen. i really do. but the whole business side of it is so confusing and overwhelming and scary that i tend to just get intimidated and shut down.

sigh.

Lord, empower me with courage...

p.s. i think i've seen 11:11 on the clock every day this week...weird.

the mindset of Jesus

2010-11-04T19:47:00.000-07:00

i've been struggling lately with motivation. laziness. i often will have more free time than i'd prefer and find myself stuck in a rut unable to accomplish anything. it's not like i don't know what to do. i'm full of great ideas. i plan. i make lists. i know what i'm going to do down to the last detail...and still i sit and just think about it and don't actually do it.

where is the disconnect?

in a conversation today i was talking with someone and i said that i felt like my heart and my flesh were so separate. almost as if they were working against each other. the person compared my heart and my flesh to my mind and my feelings.

Phil 2 talks about taking on the mindset of Jesus

(if you're not sure what exactly it says...go look it up. for real.)

When Jesus was praying in the garden of gethsemane, what was he feeling? he was freaking out. he was anxious to the point of sweating blood b.e.g.g.i.n.g the Father to please not send him to the cross. he was human after all! but what did he do? he went. because he knew in his mind it was what needed to be done. ultimately it was the mind of Christ that sent him to the cross and not his feelings.

so how do i take on the mindset of Jesus?

i think it starts with separating my mind from my feelings. while feelings are not bad and do serve a great purpose in life, sometimes they need to be pushed aside so that the task to which one is called can be accomplished. and if that means one is called to clean the bathroom or to whatever other unpleasant task, it means trying to mimic the mindset of Jesus and push the the human feelings and just do it.

11:11

2010-10-26T20:12:00.001-07:00

make a wish!

it seems like i always look at the clock when it says 11:11. and i always make a wish. just for fun. like blowing out the candles on your birthday cake. it doesn't really mean anything, but do you ever wish it did? that making a wish on a shooting star or on your birthday candles or on 11:11 was all it took for some magic to happen in your life?

wishing is almost romanticized these days. it's all happy-go-lucky and frills and twirls with pink icing on top. life is a cupcake with rainbow sprinkles. that's the over-optimistic view. take the opposing view and life is a dark raincloud where wishes are meaningless and the only way anyone's dreams are realized is by their own sweat and tears. hard work and achievement are the only roads to success.

but where does the Christian fit in all this?

where does God fit in all this?

God could be the genie in a bottle granting wishes when you're in the right place at the right time...or He could be the grave judge watching down from the universe and taking pleasure in our struggles to find happiness.

neither are really true. i think these perceptions of God are the results of a God-less society. whether life is a cupcake or a dark raincloud, these viewpoints don't exactly leave room for a sovereign God. or the concept of faith to trust Him.

i'm not saying don't make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles...wishing is fun. the idea that wishing on something frivolous will make the wish come true...i do it all the time! i just think that whether we realize it or not, we as Christians can easily fall into the cupcake view or the raincloud view and forget about trusting and following God. on the other hand...there is a need for a certain amount of optimism and pessimism in life. combine finding that balance with listening to the Lord and everything can seem a bit confusing...

i think i'm there.

and so for the sake of irony i'll make a wish on 11:11 that i can somehow discover that balance :)

worth your time.

2010-10-25T09:24:00.001-07:00

loving this right now...

2010-10-20T21:00:00.001-07:00

heroine

2010-10-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

someday i'd like to be the heroine of the story and not just the supporting character.

that's all.

discontent

2010-10-16T20:30:00.001-07:00

i miss virginia.

really bad.

and every day people nod their heads and say things like "oh i'm sure you do" or "yeah moving home must be quite an adjustment" and act like they understand how i feel. and maybe they sort of do...but i'm not gonna like...it doesn't exactly help.

i'm sick of having no job.
i'm sick of being told i'm not working hard enough to get a job.
i'm sick of missing out on my friends lives because they are busy and/or live far away.
i'm sick of the lazy bug that WILL NOT leave me alone.
i'm sick of not having a life. period.
and if i have to hear my wonderful loving mother tell me "it will all unfold" one more time...

it's all just a constant reminder of how i've failed. how i haven't measured up in some way. how i'll never live up to my potential.

whether it be a job
my social life
songwriting
exercising
whatever.
i'm not living up to my potential.

i'm not really sure where the disconnect happened but all i know is that when i was in virginia, i was working hard, i was purposed, i was growing and excelling, and i was happy! here in michigan...i'm not. and worse - i feel like by not returning to virginia, i'm missing out on opportunities to grow and further myself and have a decent chance at "success".

my mother is right when she says "it will all unfold". it's just frustrating to hear it over and over and see nothing unfolding. i wonder what God is doing. i'm questioning why He sent me back here...if i even misunderstood Him or something...i KNOW God is sovereign and His plan is perfect but honestly...my head and my heart are pretty far from each other right now.

2010-10-07T14:48:00.001-07:00

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

surprise reunion!

2010-10-04T17:44:00.001-07:00

Friday night jonnybravo texted me and said that the ministry team he and jared are a part of was going to be doing a concert in central ohio on sunday night - only 2.5 hours away! amanda and i decided to make the drive and go see them! we got to hear them sing with their team and then hung out for a couple hours afterward at their host home. i am so thankful for the chance to see my dear friends!!!

Dallas and Oklahoma

2010-09-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

Leaving Odessa - saying goodbye to Roy and Norma :(

The house where I lived all summer

One of many oil refineries in the area...this one looks like the City of Oz when you see it peeking over the horizon!

windmills

At the Mary Kay headquarters in downtown Dallas

A postcard at a Texas souvenir shop. Its sorta blurry, but try to zoom in and read it cuz it's pretty funny!

We stayed the night at the home of some of my parent's friends who live outside Dallas.

Crossing into OK

That says "Bigfoot Cafe"

Passing right through Checotah, OK (the hometown of Carrie Underwood!)

The world's tallest totem pole!!!

Crossing into Missouri.

One more chapter of the adventure coming soon!!!

scripture memory

2010-09-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

i've been wanting to get committed to Scripture memory for a while now. i memorized a lot when i was a kid in school - probably because we got tested on it every week...but i really haven't done anything since i graduated high school. i watched the book of eli last week and it really convicted me. i decided it was time to really get serious and buckle down because honestly, with the availability i have to the Word...i have zero excuse to NOT hide it in my heart.

my goal right now is to memorize the whole book of James. i'm almost through with chapter 1. only 4 more to go! hopefully i will stick to it and not slack off. if you see me, feel free to ask how things are going...i need the accountability!

i'm not bitter.

2010-09-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

So guess who is the guest lecturer at the Center for Worship at Liberty University this week.

I mean, no one in particular.

No one who is one of the greatest Christian songwriters of all time.

No one all the way from England.

No one who pretty much invented the modern hymn.

Not Stuart Townand.

Nope.
So why would I have any reason to be jealous?

Or bitter?

Because there's no way that I'm missing out on anything at all...any wisdom or insight that could possible be in any way applicable to my life.

Not at all...

2010-09-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

God if you're there, i wish you'd show me

and God if you care, then i need you to know me

i hope you don't mind me asking the questions

but i figure you're big enough

i figure you're big enough

- chris rice

odessa and carlesbad, nm

2010-09-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

lunch at Abuelos after church. mmmmm!

average view out the window in west texas

pump jacks

make-your-own frozen yogurt sundaes. guess whose is whose...

they warned us that the trail would be "strenuous"

it was a big hole in the ground!!!

quite the decent...

down down down...

the damp air messed with our curly hair lol!

and the hair never really recovered!

the desert really has a beauty all it's own.

more adventures to come!

2010-09-06T06:57:00.000-07:00

photos coming soon from our road trip...

caverns?

2010-08-25T20:03:00.000-07:00

so...our legs are super sore...but it was super fun!

every moment

2010-08-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

we laughed out loud til we cried and the tears were sweet
midnight melted to morning
a moment faded to memory
all these days just slip away through our fingers

so don't let go - hold onto every moment
always know - hold onto every moment that you can!

we move on with no regrets to our destiny
held by the hands of the Father
we share His love and He leads us through all these days
they just slip away through our fingers

running through yesterday into tomorrow
don't let it just slip away
forget about tying the hands of time
give every minute to the One who's given today!

i've heard this song before but just yesterday i actually stopped and listened to the lyrics. they pretty much stopped me in my tracks. the past couple weeks i've really been hurting for my VA friends. it hasn't helped that i've experienced a lot of loneliness this summer. i constantly find myself re-living the past. wishing i was somewhere other than where i was...am...am going to be...i've been wishing for the past and worrying about the future.

but then i heard the bridge of this song and it was like a huge wake up call!

i am where i am because that's where God placed me.
i'm going where i'm going because that's where God wants to use me.

i may not be where i want most to be, but if i know that God is going to use me most in MI, why can i not be content in that?

i'm not sure how He's going to use me.
i don't even know where my next paycheck is coming from.
i have no idea what the next few months will look like for my family.

but God does.

there's a phrase i learned this summer that if she'd known it, my mother would've most likely used it a lot when i was a kid ;)

don't anticipate. participate.

just take directions as they come.
be content in those directions.
because the One who is giving them knows way more about the big picture than i do!

How West-Texan Are You???

2010-08-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

In reflecting on my stay in West Texas these past summer months, I’ve made several observations about the culture of this part of the country. Instead of boring you with a simple list, I decided to display my observations in the form of a short quiz. Feel free to take the quiz if you like and then post your score in the comments section.

1. You drive a Truck. (+5 points)
+ 2 points if it’s a Chevy or a Ford F150
- 2 points if it’s a foreign make

2. You have one wall in your home or office adorned solely by decorative crosses. This alone identifies you as a Christian.
(+1 point for every cross)

3. There are more Mexican restaurants in your town than non-Mexican restaurants. (+3 points)
- 1 point for every Taco Bell

4. You use words like “ya’ll” and “fixin to” on a regular basis.
(+2 points)

5. You do not think twice about driving 6+ hours for a sporting event or concert and driving home during the night. (+3 points)

6. You or someone you know works in the oil industry. (+3 points)
+5 points if you call it the “ohhl” industry

7. The local sheriff in your town wears a cowboy hat and badge and drives a pickup truck. (+10 points)
+ 5 points if he has a deputy

8. You call fountain drinks “cokes”. (+2 points)

9. You frequent restaurants that have a roll of paper towels on the table instead of napkins. (+2 points)

10. You’ve seen the movie Friday Night Lights and consider it an accurate representation of your community’s attitude toward High School Football. (+5 points)
+8 points if someone you know was in the movie.

11. You own a gun. (+2 points for every gun you own)
+ 3 points if you’ve used the gun to shoot something in your yard

12. Your patriotism for the state of Texas is as great, if not greater, than your patriotism for the United States of America. (+3 points)
+5 points if you don’t see any problem with that

Scoring:

0-20 – Are you sure you’re from West Texas? Maybe you were born and raised somewhere else and just THINK you’re a West Texan cause you like it there so much…

21-50 – You may have some West Texan tendencies, but chances are you’ve spent too much of your life in the Texan cities to really become acquainted with what it really means to be a West Texan.

51-75 – Most likely you grew up in West Texas and have many close friends who did the same. Your pride and respect for the culture of the area is great but outsiders have to get to know you before they can see that you are, indeed, a West Texan.

76+ You are a true West Texan. You’ve lived there your whole life and have no plans of changing that. You may come off as a bit of a hick to the rest of the world, but you don’t care because you’re gonna be true to your roots til the day you die.

life.

2010-08-15T18:54:00.000-07:00

one more week left in texas.

mark leaves tomorrow morning. said goodbye today.

i hate goodbyes.

in heaven there will be no goodbyes. that's a good thing.

i miss my LU friends really bad.

talked to poot today. God is already using him so much in lynchburg and i can't wait to see what else is in store for him. he will write books someday and they will sell.
at least i will buy them ;)

i straightened my hair today for the first time since coming to texas.

my hair is super thin.
it will probably get even thinner as i get older.
wonderful.

i have gotten several new freckles on my arms and shoulders this summer.
i have tan lines on my ring finger, my wrist, and my feet. but my stomach is super white lol.

our final all-worship service was today.
a few minor hiccups but it went really well.
those kids are awesome!
God - please give me a worship job!!!

if anyone knows of a job in mi that would be a good fit for me please let me know!!!

at Your feet

2010-08-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

here at Your feet i lay my past down,
my wanderings, all my mistakes down
and i am free

here at Your feet i lay this day down,
not in my strength, but in Yours i've found
You're all i need

Jesus Jesus at Your feet - oh to dwell and never leave!
Jesus Jesus at Your feet - there is nowhere else for me!

here at Your feet i lay my future down,
all of my dreams i give to You now
and i find peace

here at Your feet i lay my life down
for You my King - You're all i want now
and my soul sings

cause i am free here at Your feet
all i need is at Your feet

i find peace

we're at Your feet

-mark hall (casting crowns)

my prayer

2010-08-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

fresh page
new pen
where do i begin?
words fail,
tears come,
i need someone to take the thoughts i almost think
and carry them to God for me.

deep breath, exhale, breathe in deeper still,
long sigh,
i'm still numb.
is there anyone who can find the things i'm barely feeling
and give them wings beyond my ceiling?

right heart, wrong place.
it's too far, too outer space.
sorry, i forgot You're right here.
i cup my hand around Your ear.
i feel You smile, You feel my breath,
You listen as i whisper nonsense.

simple exchage
Your will
i'm changed
and now my prayer ends.
thank you.
amen.

-chris rice

i am...

2010-08-02T11:32:00.000-07:00

I am.....anxious
I want.....to be respected

I have.....a little baby wart on my finger that needs attention
I wish.....God wanted me in virginia
I hate.....cancer
I miss......my family, my va friends, amanda :)

I fear......uncertainty

I feel.....cold

I hear......computers humming

I smell....the cool air conditioned air of the youth auditorium
I search.....for God
I wonder.....what this fall holds
I regret......the first impressions i give others

I love.......lots of things, lots of people

I ache......for kids with no daddy who loves them
I care.........about the details

I always.....bring a sweatshirt to work
I am not....in shape

I believe......in miracles
I dance......goofy
I sing....a lot
I cry.....when i think about God's love
I don't always.....ask God's opinion on things
I fight.....my flesh
I write.....in my journal
I never.......wash my car
I listen......to satellite radio in the car
I need......a job
I am happy.....when i look at the texas sky

dallas

2010-07-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

ok wow. been a long time since i blogged about anything significant.

last weekend my friend katie from liberty drove down from colorado and then we drove to dallas to visit our friend erin. we stayed with her family and spent some time enjoying the city and visiting various churches in the area.

if you've never been to dallas, let me just say it's huge. HUGE. like, new york city is huge, yes, but there's just a lot of stuff there. in dallas everything is BIGGER. there were freeway interchanges that were so complex that there were plly 4-5 different levels of ramps. many major companies have their world headquarters in dallas. plus the city of ft. worth is just an hour away and with all the suburban life between the two cities, you never feel like you left town.

our first night there we went in the pool and i forgot i had my phone in my shorts pocket. needless to say...the phone died. so i have been without a phone since last friday...until today when the old phone madre sent me arrived in the mail.

we had a great time catching up on life and having some great profound conversations, staying up late and eating way too much unhealthy food (erin's mom is an amazing cook!), and watching movies.

on saturday erin's parents took us into dallas and we saw a memorial of the cattle drives from dallas to amarillo and the JFK memorial and where he was shot. there's a big X on the road right where he was when he got shot which is sorta creepy...then we went shopping cause katie needed a purse and i had a GAP jeans coupon that was about to expire (there is NO gap within 100 miles of odessa :/ ). between the store sale and my coupon i ended up getting 3 pairs of gap jeans for $90!!! pretty good considering they were originally $60 each! then on our way out we saw a Steve Madden store. Steve Madden is a shoe designer and i have always wanted a pair of his shoes but they're always really expensive. peeked in the store just for fun and ended up trying on a pair that was marked down from like $50 to $30. decided i would splurge cuz i really liked them and then found out they were marked down to $15!!!!! it was my lucky day!

saturday night we went to gateway church. gateway is most known for being the home church of Kari Jobe, a well-known worship leader and the original recording artist of the popular worship song, "Revelation Song". gateway also produces and publishes a great deal of original contemporary worship material. it could be considered a mega-church because it has several campuses and each campus has multiple sat/sun services, but the service we attended had probably only 500 - 600 people. and the building itself was not really that huge. kari jobe wasn't there when we went, but it was still very cool to see the church and be a part of the worship service there.

sunday morning we got up early and went to the first service at prestonwood. they are one of the largest southern baptist churches, known for their pastor, Jack Graham, for their resident musical arranger/composer, Bradley Knight, and for their choir which runs in the same circles as the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. Thomas Road Baptist Church in lynchburg is modeled very similar to prestonwood, especially in their worship style. when i was in the choir at TRBC we sang several pieces that originated out of prestonwood.
the prestonwood campus is HUGE. it looks like it could be a shopping mall - no exaggeration. erin said that since the dallas/fort worth airport is nearby, pilots are often told to use the church as a landmark from the sky - it's THAT big. she also said that the church could not put up one of their steeples because it would be so tall that it would be a hazard for the aircrafts in the area.

the service was good - not great. a little too stiff for me honestly. it was the middle of the summer so the choir was off, the senior pastor was off, their worship leader, Todd Bell was off, so it was Bradley Knight (which was cool) and the praise team/orchestra. what was really cool was that one of our classmates from LU who was interning there was singing on the praise team that week and actually sang a special music. we found her afterward and it was fun to surprise her.

after negotiating our way out of the prestonwood parking lot, we went across the street (literally) to erin's home church for the second service. bent tree bible fellowship was like a mini Willow Creek. there was so much creativity there that i couldn't help getting excited. erin took us to the visitor's desk afterward where they gave katie and i vouchers for free drinks from the coffee bar. i got a frappuccino-like drink with a shot of peppermint. mmmmmm! erin told us that the church does a lot with creative worship - you can tell just by looking in the lobby at all the art and the way the interior design is done. there is symbolism and meaning behind everything there. she also said the church was very very VERY mission-minded. they had short-term teams going out all over the world almost every week over the summer. i asked her if they were hiring lol. she said no, but they love mentoring people without paying them. sad day.

after church the 3 of us went back to erin's house, ate the rest of her mom's cabbage lasagna (soooooo good!) and toll house pie and were on our way. got back to odessa around 9pm and then i had to get up at 4:30 the next morning to get ready and leave for junior high camp in denton, tx...which is like an hour from erin's house lol. (in case you didn't know...it was a 7 hour drive from odessa to NW dallas lol).

camp was good. God showed up. more on that later ;)

2010-07-24T07:53:00.001-07:00

phone.

in pocket.

in pool.

sad emma.

2010-07-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

just got back from 3 days at the lake with some high schoolers.

my bff from LU comes in tonight!!! i'm sooo excited! then tomorrow we head off to dallas for a weekend getaway with another friend who lives there. back sunday evening and then off to junior high camp monday morning. woo hoo!!!