ok so for real: what the heck is up in my life?
not sure even i could answer that.
christmas break is turning out to be not quite as painful as i was anticipating. i really miss my friends in lynchburg, but it's nice to spend time at home and reconnect with my family and friends and my church. i've been sleeping late and doing lots of christmas baking and wrapping. i was originally supposed to be working at one of my old jobs over break, but my boss said she's overstaffed already and can't afford to give more hours. kind of a bummer because after paying for school and the unexpected computer costs...i'm sorta needing the cash...but God knows what He's doing.
paul and i got in a car accident. thankfully i was not the one driving (just being a little selfish here!) and thankfully no one was hurt. but now my mom's car AND my car are both in the shop and we're down to two cars at home.
i also lost my cell phone. freaking can't find it anywhere. i thought i dropped it in the snow but i seriously went through all the snow in my driveway and can't find it. i'm convinced it's in my friend's car but we can't find it there either. it's sorta funny because the other day i was joking that my car is crashed, my computer is crashed, what's next? my cell phone? yeah....but God knows what He's doing.
EDIT---paul found my phone today in the snow! he snowblowed right over it! it is in great working condition after surviving 48 hours burried in the freezing cold snow! thanks God!!!
i had a bit of a pity party the other night. i'm having a bit of a hard time watching aquaintance after aquaintance after friend after friend get engaged and married. that added to the unspoken expectation that i need to somehow join that group by the time i graduate...sorta making me feel crappy. my two girlfriends at school and i are like googly-eyed middle schoolers. we talk about guys and marriage ALL the time (since we know so much!) but deep down all 3 of us are afraid to feel anything for anyone. we don't want to date unless it's our husband we're dating and are really seeking God's hand in everything...but in the meantime we're trying to guard our hearts and not feel for someone unless it's THE person. now that i actually write that out it sounds really ridiculous and like a great plan for the 3 of us to be roommates FOREVER! haha. it makes sense in my mind...
but i can't be afraid to feel.
still working on what that exactly means and how God ties into it. earlier this semester He was really convicting me of the walls around my heart when it comes to receiving love, particularly from Him. my wise mother pointed out that by letting the walls down and opening myself up to feelings would be letting go of control...yeah...we're back to that againg...but God knows what He's doing.
recently heard this song and am in love with it. the girl with the scarf wrote the song. they both play for Hillsong, one of the biggest churches in the world (based in Australia) that is known for the original worship music it does. it's one of my dreams to go there someday.
2 comments:
That is a beautiful song Emma. Are you journaling your desert experiences somewhere?? (besides here?) I hope so. Because when you make it through this desert and are once more walking in fragrant meadows and then suddenly another desert experience comes along (and it will come), it will be so encouraging to look back and see how God met with you while in THIS desert, and how he walked with you through the desert, and how he guided your footsteps out of the desert. We humans tend to have short memories. :-)
I am praying for you about the whole marriage thing. It's tiring to watch it happen to others, I know. And I think you may be living in a very "find your life partner" culture right now at Liberty? When I read your post it almost sounds as if you want God to tell you that someone is "the one" before you open your heart to them. Is this correct? He may do this for you. And He may not. Just be careful not to put God in a box of your own expectations (I know you don't want to). Seeking God at every turn, as you are doing, is definitely the right thing to do.
Thanks for sharing your heart so openly here Emma. It is so wonderful to see a glimpse into your struggles, your fears, your victories. Forgive me if I have been too personal in my reply. I love you and want God's best for you. I am praying.
:)
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