insecurity

the worship arts department at my church (where I work) is forming an Easter choir and i will be directing it. we are pulling out all the stops (a musical term in case you didn't know...) in hopes to get a good size group together and do something decent. yesterday we had 28 people sign up! this is a huge number for my church - to show that much interest on the first day. initially i was ecstatic! i was so excited that God was almost giving us a little preview of what he was going to do!

and then i started thinking...planning in my head all the things i would need to do to effectively lead these people and i started feeling very overwhelmed!

many of these people are individuals or married couples who were a part of the church choir many years ago. it was a different time when worship music was very choir/orchestra driven and the music leadership of that time was very strong and well loved among the choir and the congregation. these people stopped doing choir after this leadership left and have not been involved since.

many of the other people have never been a part of a choir before. they don't have any musical background and are very nervous to be a part of something like this.

the more i thought about these two groups of people, the more insecure i began to feel. i am not qualified to lead like that previous choir director led. i won't know how to lead those people in a way that they are expecting. and on the other hand, i'm not sure i'll have enough patience to lovingly lead the people who may not "meet" the musical "expectation" i have set in my head.

and then, as always, God stepped in.

he reminded me of two people in scripture who were called to lead and doubted their abilities: Moses and Gideon. as i read back over their stories a few things stood out to me. not only did both these guys doubt their abilities to lead, but they actually argued with God! they debated back and forth with God and insisted that God should choose someone else. not only that, but when God PROMISED to be with them and to lead them, they asked for signs so they would know that he was telling the truth!!! they didn't even believe that he would keep his promise!!! it's a miracle God used them at all with the little faith they had!

i was also reminded that these feelings of insecurity can also be a good thing. they keep my pride in check and prevent me from becoming too confident - otherwise i wouldn't need to lean hard on the Lord to lead and direct me as i lead and direct this choir.

"For the king [leader] trusts in the LORD; through the unfailing love of the Most High he will not be shaken."
psalm 21:7

whatever is TRUE.

think on these things.