first impressions

gonna get really real here for a minute...

i care a whole lot about what people think of me when i first meet them.
i worry about what sort of person they perceive me to be - based on how i present myself - appearance, actions, words, etc.
and since you never know who you will run into in the course of the day, i always try to be as prepared as possible.

call it obsessive
call it anxiety
call it insecurity
whatever. table that for a second and we'll come back to it.

i have noticed that in addition to this issue,
i am very quick to judge other people based on my first impression of them.

i think the two issues are related. but i'm not exactly sure which is the cause and which is the effect, or if they are circular in their causing and effecting.

am i so quick to judge others that it causes me to be so insecure because i fear being judged the same way?

or

do i judge others so harshly because i judge myself so harshly?

i think ultimately it comes down to an issue between me and God - typical right?
impressions do matter, but they are not everything. it is important to be kind, loving, and polite. it is important to dress appropriately and not be smelly. first impressions are a part of life. but i think that if i am confident with who i am in Christ, those things will more naturally fall into place. they won't be so forced and cause me so much stress in my attempt to attain them.

so let's restate my issue:

when i fail to see myself as God sees me, i have feelings of insecurity. therefore, i am quicker to judge others (not see them as God sees them) and think less of them because it makes me feel better about myself. i am also quicker to compare myself with others whose lives are "better" than mine and feel like i have fallen short.

ouch.

glad i could work through this a little more and figure out the root of the issue.

can i just say - i find myself constantly needing validation from God. don't get me wrong - whenever i ask for it, He gives it (SO faithful!). i guess these issues are merely the symptoms of a deeper problem- one i have struggled with for a loooooonnnng time. i want so desperately to do enough of the right things and be enough of the right person that i tear myself up inside trying to make it happen - and then i hate myself when i fail.

this is just another reminder that whenever i try to do a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g by my own strength - even get dressed in the morning - it is a total train wreck. i need Him so much!

//i need Thee/oh i need Thee/every hour i need Thee/oh bless me now my Savior/i come to Thee//

any other thoughts?
anyone else have similar struggles???